This feels like a great starting point for any leader out there wanting to set things up for better leadership with their community around their own personal need for sex & love and how their position can impact others. I know I've had to engage with many of the points below as a leader/facilitator/teacher myself.
Leadership can't happen alone, so having a team to support this effort is crucial and much needed. I believe that this is greatly understated in our current paradigm where we perceive leaders to be separate entities from us rather than individuals who need support for their leadership to be effective and safe(r). To believe "it's their fault and responsibility and they need to be accountable" completely absolves us from responsibility while at the same time asking us to "do something about this" which is just another way to displace responsibility to them while at the same time feeling good about doing something.
The better approach is to show up where something is missing and bring in what is missing.
That's what teamwork is.
Here goes:
1. Rework your apology letter for previous actions to eliminate justifications, show deeper empathy for others, and take the emphasis off of your process, instead emphasizing awareness of what you have done to cause harm to others.
2. Clearly write up your personal policy for romantic and sexual engagement, both inside and outside of workshops. Post it publicly, including sharing it with all residents / interns / etc. at your center, all co-teachers of yours, and all students at your workshops.
3. Create a module for the beginning of your classes that covers issues of transference, power dynamics, and how, as a healer or teacher, it is possible for personal gratification desires to sneak into the interactions and cause serious harm. This requires an awareness that while the other person may think at the time the interaction is great for them, it may not serve their greater good. It also requires extreme discernment on the part of the healer or teacher to avoid these problems, preferably backed up by peer supervision. In this module, cover point-by-point your personal policy and explain in detail why each point is essential.
4. Actively engage in healing relationships and reputation repair by:
- Creating a list of people who have unresolved issues with you, or who believe you have harmed them.
- Reaching out either directly or through intermediaries to see if they are willing to engage in repair or restorative justice with you.
- Coming to an understanding of what changes they would require in order to feel complete with you.
- If possible, making those changes.
5. Create a support pod or “board of advisors” (or at least one supervisor) to help you in the above processes. This could be a lot of work so come to an understanding about compensation or trade for their services.
6. Enter into counseling/therapy with a therapist skilled in working with character disorders such as lack of empathy and/or awareness of other people’s feelings and needs.